I just screamed.

I feel better now. And the urge to punch someone in the ovary or pull her innards out through her nostrils is already gone. Screaming is really the best way to stop myself from going bonkers. But if you wanna scream your brains out too, be sure the room is sound proof. You don’t want people calling the cops and thinking you had just been raped.

I don’t usually have this killing urges. If I get angry I bottle it up until it explodes like C4. But what happened now zoomed beyond my hate meter. And I could not just bottle it up and refrain myself from cussing and ranting. I have to scream, rage, and explode till every bad vibes wiggles out of my system.

What happened was a bureaucratic twaddle between two different life forms. It was a clash. A clash between the paragon of excellence and the victim of mediocrity and a faulty system. And I was the victim. I was the one caught between the faulty system. I could not move. If I wanted to get out, I had to go through the paragon of excellence and accept whatever she says. If I get out alive, it means I am no longer an entity to her.

What triggered my emotions were the godawful things she said. I know she has all the right in the world to verbally douse me with ugly things, but then again, I have feelings too, you know. I have talked to her a million times and after every confrontation I always felt defeated and deprived. I never heard a comforting word from her, though I expected something like that but it never happened. I could not stop her from labeling me a liar, or a dishonest creep, or a fool. I could not stop her if she wanted me to suffer. And when we drown in each other’s retina, I suddenly feel scared and unprotected, but I could not do a thing. I was figuratively buried to my neck while a hungry dog tore the flesh on my forehead. I was letting her gnaw me because I was useless with her presence.

The world is continuously breeding people like her. People who would ferociously gobble up somebody else’s honesty and turn them into one of their kind. Power driven life forms who have been constantly dominating the world of those who do not possess the same power such as theirs.

I have been in this Catholic Institution for almost 15 years and it is sad to say people like her exist. It is very ironic because we are in a catholic institution that teaches us how to respect each other, but the people who have authority over us and who are our paragons are the ones who spawn mediocrity and disrespect. Students do what they say. Students say what they want to hear. Students are defeated and deprived. *screams again*

Our institution should uphold its Janssen values, like what they always say. The superiors must not only eye the students for their misconducts but also ogle at themselves if their values have been iffy too. 

And in the end, I have learned that sometimes there is no reciprocity in respect. That saying the truth means being labeled as a liar. That in an institution that upholds excellence lies irony.